I was just thinking... I don't know if I will ever have a 'title' in my career.
I wouldn't be a chemist, a nutritionist, a dietician, a photographer, a designer, a doctor.
Would I be an 'admistrator'?? A 'coordinator'?
Not that I despise having such a title but I can't help but feel like it's so generic. Pardon the narcissism but I guess when I was younger, I thought I was made for something. You know? I know it sounds egoistic but I guess I thought I would be a specialised person, a person with a trade skill.
I don't know, obviously my choices along the way in life has resulted in this and I know there are enjoyable jobs with these titles but I can't help but feel a little...strange.
Yesterday I was speaking to X on MSN and she said (jokingly obviously), "When are you coming back into reality? You know, stop studying!" after I told her about my trip to NYC.
I lamely replied, partly because of my shock, that I was working part time, while juggling a whole bunch of things on my plate.
Yet, I know there was more I could've said. She then added as an afterthought, "well you will probably earn tons of money later anyway!" Which then made me more upset when really, need I be? I know I am not living for the money but then to have a good friend's expectations thrust upon you, it's not hard to ignore.
I told Leon this and he was quite annoyed with X. He said that there are many versions of reality to a person and working is not the only reality. University isn't the only reality either but there are experiences that come out of it that are tailored for a person - adds to life's experiences.
I think that's so true and I am currently reading a book now about philosophy of life/god and a point that reflected what Leon was saying was that about there is only one moment that exists and that is now. We create time but time is arbitrary. And I think time enables people or society to create this sort of...illusion or idea that reality is this: after uni, get a job, work 5 days a week, play on the weekends if you can, but you need to work, then get married, then have children. That is reality for many, and the governments too propagate this version of reality because that's what serves the government and the global capitalist system doesn' it? IF we all work 5 days a week, we create income/profit and we all know money makes the world go round.
I am trying to wrap my head around this multiple versions of reality and finding my own version and sticking to it.
Yet, I find it hard because we are social beings and we feed off each other's thoughts and actions. We can't do what makes us happy all the time because... then we deviate from the path of normality and then we have a label stuck on to us 'kooky' or 'wasted'. Wasted resources - wasted time and money. Wasted investment.
As much as I try, it seems the world system is way too big for individuals to change, isn't it.
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